Objects in mirror may appear less cool than remembered

I just deleted a four-paragraph blog because I decided I didn't want to share it with you. What it said, in a nutshell, was this: sometimes shit happens in a jacked-up order. Sometimes you realize something too late in the game, sometimes you get thrown a curve ball, and sometimes wild shit just pops up out of nowhere. And sometimes you regret not what you did, but what you DIDN'T do. Or say. Express. To someone. And sometimes, people put up a great advertisement, but the product is shit. Other times, you wander into a situation expecting nothing and find something really cool. That's what I was trying to share. The names have been deleted to protect the innocent.

Here? Really?

I like lists. I feel they're a good place to start when considering writing your own history. Here's a list:

Dog farm
Sheep Farm
Dairy Farm

Race car team
Automotive Restoration shop
Home remodeling
groundskeeper
newspaper editor
writing tutor
Carpenter

log home builder
oil field worker
natural gas distribution system manager
warehouse crane builder
Administrative Specialist
generator mechanic

That's where I come from! Here's another list:

Indiana
Virginia
Pennsylvania
Mississippi
Kansas
Arizona
Colorado

That's states I've had an address in. Some of them several addresses.

States I have NOT been to:

Oregon
Everything in New England except Massachusetts. I think I was in Connecticut once on a roadtrip.

Motorcycles:

1982 Honda CM400E
Yamaha XS650 (x2)
1971 Kawasaki F7 (never ran)
1980-something Kawasaki KZ440 (never ran)
Some Yamaha dirtbike
1982 Yamaha Seca
1997 Suzuki TL1000S
1978 Suzuki GT550K-Indy (never ran)
2006 Harley Davidson XL1200C

I think that's a complete list.

Trucks:

1977 Ford F100
1982 Ford F250
1986 Ford Bronco
1985 Ford F150
1989 Ford F150
1977 Ford F250 Highboy
1995 Ford Ranger
1984 Ford F150
2006 Toyota Tacoma X-Runner
1962 Ford F150

Cars:

1989 Volkswagen Fox
1987 Toyota MR2
1970-something Toyota Corolla

I don't remember any more cars.

TV's I paid for, in my life: 1. I paid for it because it was my friend's and I threw it out my front door one night. Things happen.

See how many stories there are right there? A few quick lists, and I could tell you stories for hours.

FOUR YEARS LATER!

Hi kids! Well, that was a bit of a break! My last post came to you from good old Kirkuk, Iraq, home of a lot of things, but not ME anymore!

Recently over beers with a longtime friend that I hadn't seen since directly before my departure to the sandpit, I realized that what seems no big thing to me may be quite an adventure to others. You see, what you're experiencing has a tendency to appear normal when you're in the middle of it. However, although the eye of a tornado is calm, the view from a few miles away reveals quite a different story.

I left Indiana in 2001, and returned only once for a stay longer than a week. To those who graduated high school, moved out, got a job, and began working, what I did and learned seems like quite an adventure. What did I learn? I learned that every town is the same. I learned to not let fear be a negative reaction. I learned its not WHAT you know, but WHO you know-to a point. I learned a bachelor's degree is worth it, but not for the reasons you believe when you attend your first class. And a few other things.

So, there's a few stories. Sometimes I wonder if people believe me. It doesn't matter if they do or not. The stories are real, and the names are real-I've just forgotten most of them. It seems every experience I have reminds me of something else. I can't believe the stories I've forgotten that friends remind me of (that surely has something to do with a fond relationship with PBR and whiskey, but even saints are sinners).

For instance, today I drove past a sign for Haverstick Rd. Big deal right? Well, if you research the history of Arizona's wildfires, there's one named Haverstick. After T**** Haverstick. Terry's a good guy, I suppose, but the most prominent memories I have of him are negative. At any rate, it made me smile, because here I am in Indianapolis, Indiana, riding my motorcycle down the street, and the traffic surrounding me has no idea I'm remembering time spent in a little jerkwater eastern Arizona town that recently got evacuated because of wildfires.

You say "C.W. McCall," I think of that really long hill in Tennessee that he sings the song about, and how I drove down it in a torrential downpour with a window that wouldn't roll up.

You say "beach" and I remember getting caught in a rainstorm on a private beach with two dogs and a couple hippies. We warmed up in the hot tub-and then went to work. It was 10:30 AM.

You say "9/11" and I remember I only had one class on Tuesdays, and its one of the rare times O.C. ever talked to me of his on volition.

I never met anybody really famous, but I did meet a random lady in the Houston airport, noticed her carry-on bag, and asked her if she knew my uncle. She did.

So here's a shout out to my friends and family, the rock and foundation of life itself, from New Hampshire to Washington, from Michigan to Texas, and all points in between. I'll tell you some more stories soon.

Preparing for the future AKA daydreaming

Daydreaming....a coping device first discovered in early childhood, perfected through twelve years of mind-numbing public schooling, and now properly and deeply instilled in my day-to-day existence here in my so-called life. The car show, and the histories there. People I'd run into. The stories and memories we'd share, but not have to speak about. The crazy web that ties us all together; let me offer an example: girlfriend. girlfriend's friend. go to work with girlfriend's friend's brother because he's dating a girl i used to party with and she hooks me up. through work, meet the girlfriend's friend's brother's friend. Then, go to a different job with said friend, and meet his sister, who is friends with all of them: the girl i used to party with, her ex-boyfriend, his friend that is also my coworker, AND somehow in there is the wife of my friend to whom i owe a bottle of gin. I'm going to buy him absinthe though. And THAT friend's sister-in-law used to want a dog from the guy i used to work for, and she was from the same town as this other girl, who's not really important, but there is a girl who's mom lives in that town that probably will never be any more important to me than she is now, but she was there at the same time i started dating the aforementioned girlfriend. Confused? i haven't even started.
Anyhow, what i started out to say was that perhaps one day someone will ask me "how are you?" at said car show, and i was thinking about what i would say...
"Well, I'm 25, completely out of debt, I own my own business, i'm engaged to a hot ___________________ (lets not jump ahead tooo far now!) and I'm in great shape. I am stable enough so that no matter what happens, i don't have to depend on anybody but myself, I do what I love every day of the year, and I only have great friends, no sorry wanna-be, halfass poser friends. Of course there are people i hang out with from time to time, but everyone knows their role. I've been all over the world, gone skydiving, heli-boarding, rode a motorcycle across Canada, and passed out on the beach in Mexico, just to name a few things." "How are you?" "Oh, I'm good, my job is so-so, I don't like where I live, i'm always paying bills, gas is so expensive, i don't feel like my boyfriend/girlfriend loves me as much as i love them...."

Ok, so maybe I need to make that 26 or 27....next May might be a long shot.

Turning daydreams in to reality is what life is all about.

Epiphany

Here's a novel idea: if you want the war in Iraq to be over....act like you want to be fighting it! Quit bitching about the cost, the loss, how slow the progress is, the problems the soldiers have when they come back, and kick some ass! Approach it like real Americans-full-force, no-holds-barred, 100% guts and glory. War messes everything and everyone up, and it costs a helluva lot of money. Instead of a nation of people bitching and complaining about how we got to Iraq or what's going on there, accept the situation for what it is, put that behind you, and pull out your pocketbook. The sooner we get fired up and motivated, the sooner the world and the soldiers see we support them and want them to do their job well and as expediently as possible, the sooner everyone's spirits rise. Whatever happened to the nation rallying behind the war? Give up all your hate, confusion, distrust and look at it like this: we're already in Iraq. Who cares why we are here, what they told us to make us agree to come here, or who is making money off the war. Just jump into the idea and kick some ass so we can all welcome our countrymen back into the States, tell them good job and thank you, and THEN we can focus on fixing the problems we have within our borders. That's more important, but we can't address our in-house issues while we are so focused on our overseas issues, so lets get the one knocked out so we can then fix that which we've been ignoring for years-our own country.

Plans are important

I don't need much in a woman....she just has to be sexy, secure in herself, funny, strong enough in our relationship to ignore men that hit on her, like old cars and motorcycles (and not necessarily nice ones), not be afraid to get dirty, have an interest in things larger than daily life like art and conceptual ideas, enjoy travelling, sitting on the front porch, sometimes doing nothing at all, be proper in the company of others but more relaxed at home, say what she's thinking about when she's thinking about it, and realize that sometimes i need to just take off and go for a ride by myself. And listen; have an interest in my life. ok, that's quite a bit. some tattoos wouldn't hurt either. a rockabilly girl that's not rockabilly because its cool, but cool because she's rockabilly. or something like that, you know, genuine, no posers, no fakes, no phonies, no whiners, but a few rough edges...

In return, I will realize that she needs her time and that sometimes I can be annoying and should just go away. I'll try not to get loud or innappropriate in social settings, and i'll do my best to make her feel like an honored woman. I'll show her i'm glad she's with me and that i need her. I'll pull my weight and support us as best i can. i will listen when she needs to talk, and respond when she needs me to respond. As long as i have my garage to keep messy, i will keep the house orderly, i will keep it repaired and nice-looking, and the yard will be presentable.

Just love me for who i am, faults included, and treat me the way i deserve, and i will do the same.

back in the day...

i have one experience, one timeframe in my mind, that i knew i would look back on more fondly than i thought of it when i was going through it. there is one drive i took that i knew i would remember for the rest of my life...actually two i think, but one for sure, i thought "i'll be telling my kids about this one." I was just thinking about another time of my life, one that seemed like i was always hoping for a better situation, that was soon to come, any day now, just around the corner....but it never came. and then there was that warm night in Phoenix, a phone call, an end, just like that. Quiet, final, unpredicted, but there it was. I just caught myself thinking about that time and saying in my mind "it was good." then i thought, "was it good? why do i think that? i seem to remember it being a constant struggle." why is it that we look back on things and think more fondly of them now than we did then? truly, not all things are like this, some in my life were actually worse than i thought they were at the time, but hey, i am still here. Memory, perspective, other experiences...they warp, change, adjust your view of what has happened in your past. i think the message, for me at least, is to look at everything and try to enjoy it as much as possible when it is happening, so when you look back on it you will realize that you did enjoy it as much as you should have. it is better to enjoy something when you are doing it than to look back on it and realize it was more enjoyable than you thought, and that you could have had more fun....oh well, the bad memories have not been forgotten, they have just been pulled from that filed and placed in "lessons learned" while the good memories remain in that original folder.